it will never change...

I know it has been a long time...but it's been a long season for me. A long season of grief..and just when you think it's over, there's more to grieve about. I'm not going to lie, it's hard to celebrate someone's life when all you can think about are the hurting ones they left behind. It's hard to get moving each day when you know each day will be plagued with heartache. I am pretty sure that I have not gotten to the point of grief, from my own perspective anyway. I'm just worried about my family..and how they are coping, or not coping, and I'm at the point of being on my knees asking the Lord, " what can I do God, to help them? To make anything easier for them?"

That's where I have been today. In the middle of cleaning house and running errands, I have been on my knees, pleading for God to show me how to help my family..

and then, I got up, and I went to my piano, and God poured a song out to me..and when I was writing it down ( in sharpie on the back of unopened mail), the strangest thing happened. I began writing each chorus as it was coming from MY heart. As it was coming from ME..so, naturally, each line began with "I" or had "I" in it somewhere..

After the whole song was finished,I sat back, and I looked over it.... and it was all wrong. So, I changed all of the "I" parts...and they now read " He"..and NOW IT MAKES SENSE. This song wasn't meant to be from MY heart, but His.

It was confirmation that I cannot help them how God can help them.

He has their footsteps planned, not me.

He will hold them close to Him, when I cannot. I can spiritually lift them up through prayer, but physically, emotionally, I cannot hold them. I cannot offer them peace. I cannot offer them refuge.

I should have KNOWN this.

I KNOW that when I turn to others for understanding and happiness and comfort, I am always left incomplete. I KNOW that God is my source of strength and my strong tower, yet, for some reason, I think that I can be that for those I love. And instead of directing them towards the ONE who CAN, I encourage them to cast their burdens on me..KNOWING that I cannot carry them.

But, God can. God will.


I don't think I have ever had such an eye-opening experience in front of my piano. I have never in my life gotten up from writing with such a vivid vision of what God was trying to tell ME.

Thank you so much God, for this.