Vapors of vapors

For the past couple of months, I have been reading a chapter of proverbs per night. I will have to be honest, here, and admit that I haven't put a proverbs entry in my journal in probably two weeks. Most of my entries of late have been plagued by a repeated theme of " I want to get out of here", or "I'm ready to leave", or "I miss my FAMILY"!
Last night, I picked my journal and my bible up off of my nightstand, and almost hesitantly took hold of the soft ribbon that was marking my place in Proverbs..my place from two weeks ago. I actually sighed as I flipped the pages. For some reason I ended up going to chapter 1 of Ecclesiastes, instead of chapter one of Proverbs.
I picked up my journal and pen, and began to write, " Please put a desire in me to praise You, worship You, and serve You, even though they aren't here"
I am sure that emotion is hard to read on a blog, or even in a journal if someone besides the author is reading it, but just so we are clear, that was desperation, mixed with guilt, and a little bit of longing thrown in.
I haven't been to church in 6 weeks. There have been excuses, but none of them really hold water, and the truth of it is, I haven't been because I don't like trying new churches. Our pastor was called to another church and I guess I have sort of been feeling, well...aimless.
So, last night, I talked with God, and He showed me that I still have a little time left here in Savannah, and that I was wasting it. He showed me partly in Ecclesiastes, and partly as my heart talked with Him. He told me that a lot of people were waiting on blessings and asked me how badly I would feel if I knew that I was the big hold up.
In a series of pictures in my mind, I could see myself talking to people I don't know, with a smile on my face, a genuine smile even though meeting new people is overwhelming and terrifying to me. I saw pictures, in my mind, of a reunion. A reunion where I could see myself answering questions of "what have you been up to!?"

Baby steps, right?

I might know the general direction my life seems to be going, but I also know I'm not there yet, and there is plenty of work to be done right here..and I don't want to waste it. I don't want to live my life in vain. (hence the title)
If we do not serve God, follow His WORD, and fear the Lord, then EVERYTHING we do in this life IS done in vanity, and I do not want to be part of that statistic. I want to serve with a purpose, and I want my every footstep to be directed by My Creator.