Up in smoke

Let me explain...

I'm up in smoke.

I, since the glorious age of 17, have on again-off again been up in smoke..but not the "happy" kind.

And, it's time to quit.

That's the plan.

I'm feeling guilty..I'm feeling like this addiction is hindering my life.
I'm feeling like it's absurd to continue this horrible habit.
I'm feeling like I want to be a better example of healthy living for my kids.

So..I'm going to try some patches...and if those don't work, I'm going to get a prescription...and if those don't work..I might just need an old priest and a young priest..but I'm going to try.

I dread it, don't get me wrong. Smokey treats are a crutch. I use this crutch often...when I'm stressed, worried, nervous, scared, driving, after lunch, before bed, with my first full throttle of the day....you get my point.

I don't even know how I got to this point. I used to loathe smoke. It gave me headaches.
Hey Nic, here's a brilliant thought- I bet smoking has something to do with the migraines you have had regularly since you were about 19..

Furthermore, I love my hair...and I think I would love it even more if it didn't smell like an ashtray, right?

In all seriousness, My sunshine reminded me, ever so poutily, that she suffers from a respiratory condition because of 2nd hand smoke. I have always made the excuse..oooh...well, I don't do it in my kids' faces, or in the house, or...but everyone knows what excuses are like.
I don't want my kids to suffer because I am an idiot. Yes, if you smoke too, I've just stereotyped us all as idiots. The truth hurts, believe me I know. My 7 year old told me that it was stupid to smoke. And while I gently told him not to say stupid ( I dont even want that word in their vocabulary), he is right.

So, now I see the pouty face everytime I want a smokey treat, which is a little unbelievable in itself...because I am a porcupine with no feelings really. LOL

anyway, pray for me, wish me luck, subliminally send me pouty faces for everytime I'm about to smoke...it will take some time, but I can do it.